The Most Painful Thing
When I was FOUR I accidentally bit my tongue and it was the most painful thing I ever experienced.
When I was SEVEN I fell off my bike and scraped my hands and knees causing valleys of torn skin and then that was the most painful thing I had every experienced.
When I was TEN I had to face my mortal enemy - dubbed the needle monster - what now is simply an unpleasant norm was by far the most painful thing I had ever experienced.
When I was SIXTEEN my pseudo-boyfriend dumped me igniting the most pain my young heart had ever felt. What once seemed an end to my world I look back and laugh about now.
When I was EIGHTEEN I realized how crazy adulthood was setting up to be; the terror of the unknown was chilling. Adulthood has proven however to be one adventurous challenge after another.
When I was NINETEEN my grandpa died and the raw pain from grief - which I didn’t remember existed - hit me square in the chest. It's okay now for I found that everyone has a certain amount of time and to appreciate them while they are here. And while I miss him, I know he lived a good life. The memories I had with him make his soul live on forever. Also at NINETEEN I broke up with the first boy whom I thought could love. The self-hate at causing his heart pain was like knife slashes onto my own. But I had to be strong enough to end what was never going to work...because he wouldn't have himself.
Now at TWENTY I am looking at new challenges and not quaking in my boots. I watch myself go through moments that would have previously broken me. I am finding that life’s most intense pain often is brought about by living fully and that pain is simply the price of a full heart. Whatever comes my way I know I will grow from. Right now, in this moment, it might even be the worst pain I have ever felt; the worst thing I have ever seen; or the worst thing I have ever lived through. The important thing is that I've survived and come out the other side with new perspectives. And as long as these words hold true, I will be just fine.
I hope that I can make it to NINETY and have the privilege of looking back with a life's worth of wisdom, so I can giggle at the trials of life and relish in the fact that I got to live through them all.
Photography: Andew Chang @andychang_photo
Model: Elizabeth Dyer @lizziedyer