Spring Break or Heart Break

What is true heartbreak? It doesn’t have to be through a breakup, or simply a bad relationship. It can even be the feeling of seeing the person you love falling apart right in front of your eyes. Seeing the person you are head over heels for, simply telling you these simple five words

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

Wait one moment. It’s not you, it’s me? The classic line that has been passed down from generation to generation was told to my face. I have dreaded the day of ever being told those words. Then it happens, and now I feel broken. I feel like I have a thousand pounds pulling my heart out of my body. I don’t understand how I can go 19 years of my life to just be told that horrible sentence. Not to forget, I have never felt this way before. It’s such an odd and interesting emotion that I just can’t understand how to describe it. It’s a truly awful feeling, wanting someone so much that you just can’t have.

Is this the feeling of rejection? Why does rejection hurt so much? Why am I not good enough? These questions have been passing through my mind ever since. Three unanswered questions that I can’t seem to stop asking myself. And that I may never know the true answers to. I’m not so much confused as I am upset at myself that I fell for someone who doesn’t feel the same. It’s not like I asked to feel this way about someone. These emotions and feelings just happened and I had no control over them.

Last but not least… What hurts the most is that I fell in love with someone who is so perfect, and utterly breathtaking. A human who not only is everything you could dream of, but someone who is everything to you. I saw their flaws as perfections; I constantly told them how extraordinary they were to me. Yet they see themselves as a horrible, broken human who can’t be repaired. I wish they knew how I truly felt but I know they can never know. It would only hurt worse to know they can’t say those words back. And to me, that is true heartbreak…

I wish this was a perfect world. We’d then be living a perfect life with no heartbreaks to be seen for miles on miles.

Model: @emilyclewell

Photographer: @717photographer