To the Friend Who No Longer Needed Me.
I won’t use your name. I never want this letter to hurt your reputation or ambitions in any way, but if you ever read it, I know you will recognize yourself in my words and understand the things I never got to tell you since you decided that you don’t need me or my friendship anymore.
Thank you for being such an amazing person in my life, for going on so many adventures (even if they never went as planned). Thank you for being there, while I grew and began to find my way in life - even in the rough patches. Thank you for all the late night talks, and 5-hour phone calls, and for that one time when you had to steam mop your floors. I will never forget certain songs and Lorde knows I will never forget you. Lastly, thank you for teaching me in the end to respect and value myself enough to know when someone has stopped treating me the way I deserve to be treated.
I am sorry that maybe I said something hurtful, even if I don’t remember it. I am sorry if any of my actions caused you to pull away ending our friendship and that other people's ideas of "cool" and "successful" were something I could never live up to. But mostly I am sorry that you lost such a good friend in the process. I am proud to call myself loyal and honest, the amount of moments that I had your back, whether in conversation with others or in person, was immense. From listening to you rant about the same relationship over and over again, to watching your dog when you were unable to make it home, and even waking up at 3 am to hold you when you were crying over a broken heart. I am sorry I wasn't enough for you anymore in your journey through life. I am sorry I won’t be there when you will finally fall in love and that I won’t get to give him the stamp of approval, but I hope you will find another friend. someone who will hold that stamp for you and will have your best interest at heart. I am sorry you will not be there when all my big life moments happen. I always thought you would be.
I am proud of you and all of your accomplishments this year.
While I may not be your number one anymore, I am still proud that you are chasing and catching your dreams and that you seem truly happy.
You hurt me.
We went from talking at least once a day - but normally more and promising to be friends till we died - to that one day when you just wouldn’t pick up your phone, answer your texts or even reply to funny memes. You pushed me away and left me hanging with vague replies and manipulative language. You said you were sorry, but there was no follow through. And again you left me hanging. You spent a week with someone who I had personally heard you trash-talk to pieces, and who deeply dislikes me and went on a trip we had once gone on ourselves 2 years prior with them. I was angry, hurt, sad, and confused. But the worst part was that during all this time all I wanted was to confide in you, except you were the one causing the hurt. During the months of you ignoring me before things came to an end, there were so many things I wanted to tell you, I would catch myself calling you, even though I knew you wouldn't pick up. I came so close to tagging you in so many pictures that I know would have caused you to laugh out loud. I still think of you almost every day when I am telling a story about the past few years - as you are in so many of them - or when I see something you would have liked. I think it hurt because you knew me better than almost anyone else. You knew how much your actions would hurt me, but decided to move forward with them anyway. It hurt because other people's opinions of you that I had said were wrong... well, they turned out to be right and I was just another casual friend that you could drop without concern.
I will always love you.
You will always have a place in my heart and you are welcome to come back into my life at any time. However, I don’t think I will ever trust you in the same way that I did before. I will always catch you if you really need me because loyalty doesn’t die just because friendship does. Every friendship is supposed to last a life-time or be a lesson that you grow from. You have become an invaluable lesson about self-worth in my life. I have learned that I have a tendency to become friends with takers, and I need to stop myself from doing that. You did do a lot for me. You talked more than you listened and got more than you gave. I have to surround myself with people who rap honesty in kindness and who don't just have my back but also care about my feelings and value my thoughts.
The sixth and last thing I want to say is that you should always remember who you are on the inside because the person I know underneath all that shiny exterior is a funny, loving, creative, dorky, and amazing person. You deserve all the love in the world and all your dreams to come true. Don’t let others compromise your values and stand strong for what you believe in. Fight for happiness and for those you love.
I have finally accepted that you are not my best friend anymore. I have begun to move on from the fact. While I know that I will miss you, I am still glad to have been able to call you my best friend and a crucial part of my story.
xoxo Weslee Kate