Highs & Lows

There are mornings when I feel like I can conquer the world. I anticipate the sunlight as it leaks through the window, I love the feeling of the morning chill as it kisses goosebumps across my skin, and the aroma of cheap, instant coffee as it warms my soul. I can feel the glow of optimism radiate through the tips of my fingers, illuminating my dark eyes. I savor every breath as though it were drenched in honey. I am alive. I am inspired with every beat of my heart. Then, there are mornings when I feel the weight of the entire world sits upon my chest. I am both a terrified child, curled up in my bed sheets, and an old woman who has felt a lifetime of pain. Clouds of dust dance in the arms of sunlight as they reach through my drapes, I pull the blankets over my head, finding an old friend in the shadows. My grief is like the ocean, unyielding, ebbing, flowing. Sometimes the water is eerily calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All I can do is try to swim, because I know I will breathe again. I still get very high in life, and low in life. Daily. But I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am a delicate human being. This is how I was made, I don’t need to hide it or be ashamed, I don’t need to be fixed. I am not broken.

Photographer: Cayetano González Capella @aboutlight_

Model: Cesca Pey @about_cess

Clothing: @columpioropa